A Fresh Start
by Xeen Cyr
Summary: tag to "Honour Roll" - Andy mulls over her first weeks at the 15.
1. Chapter 1

ROOKIE BLUE

_**A Fresh Start**_

Tag to '_Honor Roll_'. Andy & Sam. Andy POV.

-o-

That first day at the 15, she had been up to a fresh start.

Her new dealt hand was a recipe for success, except for the unavoidable collateral damages coming from the job itself: the fear, the potential casualties, facing your own death. For a minute and a half, she thought she had it all. She was a police officer with a good life ahead of her, she had a chance for a clean start, she was offered a blank slate, all the usual clichés applied. She was happy for the first time in years. Really happy. She was even up to proving to Traci, her best friend Traci, that she wouldn't date the wrong guy, -again. At this point in her life, she couldn't imagine that she'd meet Swarek, fall for him and feel compelled to reject him. Talk about fate. What where the odds? Sam was undercover and there was no reason she should meet him. Not before she had a chance to settle in, anyway. He wasn't meant to be her training officer. If she had not tried to be the hero on her first day, all this mess would have been avoided.

She had no idea why she was here, at Luke's cabin, she didn't want that! She was stuck in a bad soap opera unless she learnt to say no. She had had no problem with giving Sam the cold shoulder and leaving with Callaghan. She sniggered in the dark, slouched down a bit more on the stairs, feeling helpless. _You don't have to make him jealous, dummy, you have him wrapped around your finger already!_ Maybe Luke will make a mistake, forcing her hand into a convenient break up. Maybe it'll be easier than she thought to get back on her feet.

And yet, Luke seemed like such a perfect guy, easy on the eyes, considerate, kind, scratch that, not that kind as much as dedicated to his job. A living ad for the detective squad. Boring, boring, boring. Even the sex was... _Okay, not that bad, but not fantastic either_, she sighed. At least, he was no immediate threat, - unlike Sam. After everything she'd been through with her mother going awol and his father drowning in booze, she desperately needed to feel alive, not to live for her job. She should have known better than to throw herself at the first good looking guy showing interest. What did it say about her? That she wanted to feel normal for a change? Not good enough. That was her MO. Always pick the wrong guy, no matter what. She did everything by the book. Her book. _Way to go, Andy!_ She should have adopted a dog instead. To own a dog fell in the category of 'normal'. Not to mention that unconditional love from a furry friend was way easier to manage on a daily basis.

She took another gulp from the bottle. What was wrong with her? She shook her head and frowned. Sam knew they couldn't get involved. And Callaghan? Was he really in the business of picking a different rookie every year or was it just Swarek toying with her? Or both? At this point, she wasn't even sure she cared any more. Anyway, if Sam had told her the truth, he was right. She needed to be warned before getting hurt in the process. It could jeopardize her efficiency on the job. That's what partners do, keeping you safe. On the other hand, from what she overheard of his conversation with Oliver Shaw, -and Gail bitchy lecture, it might have crossed people's mind that they could be an item.

If you think about it, it was not like she had a real choice. Who was she trying to fool? There was always a choice, even if your choice didn't abide by police rules and regulations. Sure, she was attracted to Sam Swarek. Not from their bumpy start, that is. But curiously, his gruff persona kind of kept growing on her. Still, he was her training officer. There was nothing they could do about it. For crying out loud, he was so off limits. Nevertheless, deep down, she knew he was the caring one, the right shoulder to cry on, the one who'll always have her back. He was her partner. And in the middle of her affair with Luke, she had fallen for him. Hard. And now she was in free fall and it was such a bad idea. There was nothing she could do about it. When she was with him, she was happy. When she was with Luke, she was longing to being back with Sam in the patrol car or else. Her new life had turned into a nightmare because she was afraid of consequences.

As far as she was concerned now, Luke tended to her physical needs, nothing more really. Now that she knew first hand what it felt to be kissed, touched… _Don't go there_, she thought, nursing the bottle on her lap. She should have let Swarek take her home, that night after they put Emily on that bus to wherever. She should have followed her guts instead of playing it safe with Mr Right. Luke was just her rebound guy for an affair that didn't even start in the first place. She had been so very wrong to let it happen.

Of course, she couldn't condone Sam beating the crap out of Luke. It was scary to witness such unexpected violence against a fellow officer. Chris was probably the only one still wondering what had happened. She closed her eyes until she saw tiny light dots dancing behind her eyelids and gulped another mouthful of scotch. _Right. Feel sorry for yourself, that is really helping_. She was such a failure. In only a few weeks on the job, she had managed to burn a fellow officer, to report a vice detective, to kill a suspect and to have two good men fight for her. Though technically, Sam was the one fighting for her. She was like the shiny new toy at the Division. It was horrible, and childish, and flattering… and sexy. No one had ever fought for her before.

It was a weird night, heavy cloud scarring the sky, half obliterating the stars. She tried to place Ursa Major but she couldn't even find the evening star and finally gave up. She felt exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. She was so wound up that she could have run back all the way to Sam's place, had he called her right this minute. Which would never happen in this lifetime. She pulled on her sweater; it was almost chilly near the lake. After the last heat wave in town, it was a welcome change. She slowly cleared her mind and after a while, the slow and heavy flight of distant aquatic birds was all she cared about. She finally realized her drinking was going somewhere. She felt warm and calmer. Sedated. She glanced back to the room where Luke was asleep. He was perfectly still, oblivious of her absence. What kind of talk did he have with Swarek about her? "_As far as he's concerned, you're all mine_". What the hell did that mean? She suddenly felt trapped, miles away from her own bed, trapped in her continuing repeated mistakes. She checked her phone for the umpteenth time and sighed. She was seriously contemplating calling Sam to apologize. Apologize? What about? Kissing him? Wanting him? Barging in, in the middle of the night with a bad case of repressed lust? Why would she? She was only human, she couldn't go against what she felt or against what her body wanted.

Sam was right. He had to be. It was what it was, nothing more. Except that it didn't mean anything either. It was what it was. She'd turned the sentence in her head until she felt dizzy. It was what it was. He had made it clear that he was a consenting adult and that he didn't mind breaking a few (a lot) of rules. She felt pretty confident that he wouldn't mind breaking this one. She flipped her cell open and sped dial his number. She went directly to his voicemail. It was a sign. Maybe, he'd get no trace of her call.

_Dream on, girl._

She took a last gulp of scotch and went back to bed, not bothering to take off the large wool jacket that made her look like a Matryoshka doll. She drowsed in until dawn and spent the whole trip back asleep in Luke's car. He didn't seem to care. His mind was set on his case the minute his feet touched the floor.

-o-

tell me what you think, please no flame ;)


	2. Chapter 2

ROOKIE BLUE

A Fresh Start

Tag to 'Honor Role'. Andy & Sam. Sam POV. R&R, no flame please!

-o-

He was a listener. That was probably the main reason he decided to join the force, - skipping college was the bonus. When you're 20, you rush into decisions you might regret but he never did. It was not in his nature to mull over the past.

A guy who can listen and be perceptive is a babe magnet. He'd never been frustrated in this department either, even though he might have wanted to settle down eventually. He never met the right girl. That was that simple. Or if he did, she was not willing to commit. Lots of women are attracted to the thrill of danger, and cops are their primary targets, on par with fire fighters and car racers. There's a lot more coppers than car racers, so he was generally lucky. Now, he was in his late thirties and alone, but feeling good and still kicking, most of the time.

When you go undercover eight months, you have to assume it'll put a strain on your love life. It did to his relationship with Monica. But she was the one who said 'no strings attached' from the word go. Was he supposed to read other signs? He was not enough into her to try. As a matter of fact, he was perfectly happy with one night stands or typical arrangements with female friends on the force or not. Friends with benefit they call it these days. He found this expression perfectly despicable. He should have been honest with Monica though. It was not fair.

Anyway, here he was, dazzled by 'his' rookie, the last woman on earth he would have dated after her little stunt on her very first day. Star struck. Feeling like he was going to prom night with the head cheerleader. Noelle was right. He was in love, _might be_, he corrected. Come to think of it, he'd never put it that way, but he was, in love, most definitely.

Toasting at his reflection in the mirror, he chuckled, leaning against the counter. His fellow officers were still celebrating the end of their annual retraining day. He pushed his glass aside and left a 20 on the counter. He was not in the right mind to mingle with the guys tonight. They would want to know why he went head to head with Callaghan. He beat him pretty hard and Callaghan surely didn't hold back either. He felt sore from head to toes and ashamed of himself. That was no secret that he loved a good fight. He was a worthy opponent, efficient, and fast, but to beat the crap out Luke? What got into him? It's been years since he let his anger get the better of him. _You're not angry. You're jealous, dumb ass._

He was all in for some competition, and couldn't resolve to consider Callaghan a serious threat. She'd come back to her senses in the end. He'd been the perfect gentleman, warning her about the object of her affection, having her back, nothing that he wouldn't have done for any other trainee. He gave her some space after their 'thing'. He shouldn't have. He should have called her. No, he should have come over to her place to set the record straight. It's no secret that you make hay when the sun shines. With Callaghan yet engulfed in one of his cases, he should have lent her a shoulder or simply give her a chance to confide in him. He knew first hand that she'd been surprised by his relation with Emily. She clearly didn't picture him as the good guy before Anton's episode. That was his first mistake. Not technically, it was not. He should have made his move right from the start instead of refusing her peace offering. Not to mention his 'You're not my type' line. That one was very clever. She wasn't supposed to follow his lead and fall for the other guy. He was ready to take the blame. Maybe, he was responsible for her going out with Callaghan. He had no previous beef with the guy and yet he lost his temper. Callaghan was a decent detective, but it was not like he'd hang out with him, far too bossy for his taste. He much preferred a lighter environment and a single malt after his 14 hour shift rather than rehashing some current case gory details.

Jerry dating Nash, the poster boy sleeping with this annoying blonde who had hit on him since day one, Epstein yapping about threesomes, that was just the tip of the iceberg. Ah, new rookies, same old, same old. Except for him since he never fell for a rookie because he never had to train one. But hey, he was not against breaking some rules.

He walked out briskly from the Penny through the back door without looking back. He didn't slow down before his truck. He was too drunk to drive and he needed to think. Not about Andy and her beau in his love shack, just to clear his head. He bought a burger on the way to his apartment, tossed it in the next garbage can. He did not even bother to flip the lights on or check his mail. More bad news could wait until tomorrow. He took a long hot shower. Bruises were already turning purple and it'll be even worse in the morning.

Bottom line, he was an idiot. Why take it out on her? Why give her the silent treatment? She had no control over Callaghan behaviour. Should he have put his mind to it, he could have talked her out of going to his cabin. It would have been so easy. He moaned in retrospect. He could have said that he was ready to have the talk she'd been so vocal about.

He threw the wet towel in the basket and turned on the TV on his way to his bedroom. The loud anchorman voiceover filled the apartment. _Bad habits die hard_, he thought, while digging through his drawer for a fresh short. _You'd better trash that plasma screen just in case she might visit you again_.

Today, he had failed her on every level. He was in a good mood though, but it was before Callaghan started to brag about his foreseeable nookie. The guy was an asshole. You don't violate people's intimacy like he did, not with anybody. It was his civic duty to make him suffer.

He should have stuck to his previous agenda. Give her the latte he'd bought at her favourite place and have the honest conversation she deserved. But their relationship or whatever it was, that was not the point. Their non-affair, it was simply bad timing. They'll get over it. He didn't have her back today. He let her down with this Bibby character. She had the balls to come forward with something this big, and all he could come up with was 'I was distracted'? No one will ever forget what she did today, and with her father's record, it was not going to be pretty. Now he will have to show where his loyalties lie. If he was impressed before with her ability to bend the rules, -and he was quite the expert, now he was in awe. When she managed to find this flash drive and rubbed it in Anton's nose, very impressive, very sexy. But it was nothing compared to what she did today. Today, she acted like a great cop while he was drowning in his testosterone delusions. He had to make it up to her. She had to understand that today was only a huge bump in the yellow brick road.

He will give her proof that he was still worthy of her trust. Starting with the biggest apology he could manage to put together. And no paperwork for a semester, he smiled, flipping his cell open. First thing first, he'll call her. Make sure she's okay. He turned off the TV, breathed in and dialled her number. Perfectly still in the dim light of his apartment, he waited for her to pick up but his call went directly to voicemail. He tossed his phone on his bedside table and lied down. He put his arms behind his head and closed his eyes.

_But if Detective Luke is disrespectful again or if he puts her at risk, so help me._

It was his last coherent thought before he sank into a dreamless sleep.


End file.
